One for the Family...

My Easter weekend was not great. While I had known that something was up with my sister in law because she has been avoiding me lately, I didn't expect for things to come to a head just before Easter dinner up at my inlaws. It seems she didn't like what I had to say on my prior post about Lorelei and how angry I am at the family for letting my child down while I was grieving and not in the place to care for her as I should have. Apparently she says I make her feel unwelcome in my home. She has also had issues with me previously for not returning phone calls or bothering to check my messages. I'm not an idiot. I knew I was being shunned, it's not like it came as a big surprise. What DID surprise me was the way things went down....

As we were sitting in the livingroom making smalltalk, I commented on my niece's hair, how it looks like she is getting some more hair finally. And then I said, And I just can't get over how big her teeth are, they almost look like adult teeth. It was merely a comment, not meant in malice in any way, shape or form but my sister in law got upset and told me it wasn't a very nice thing to say. I tried to explain that I would never say anything hurtful in regards to my niece, that I was merely making a comment which led to her bringing up everything she doesn't like about me. I got angry. I think the single thing that pissed me off the most was the hypocrisy of some of the things she was saying to me. First and foremost, she told me outright when Georgia was born that she wasn't very cute. Told me this in the hospital while I had a sick baby in the ICU and newborn Georgia in my arms. SHE TOLD ME MY BABY WAS BASICALLY UGLY. Yet she freaked out when all I did was mention my niece had really large teeth. Unlike her, I would NEVER tell her she has an ugly baby or say anything intentionally hurtful about her child. It truly burns my ass that she would think that I would. I KNOW how it feels to have someone tell you your child isn't very pretty and it fucking SUCKED so I would NEVER do it to anyone else. As for making her feel unwelcome in my home, my brother in law told my husband that it was because I did dishes after having them over for dinner one night. That I didn't leave things and "visit" while she was there. And then I went for a smoke. I'm a smoker. I went for a cigarette after doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen and apparently because of this, I made her feel unwelcome. This is a girl who I have supported many, many times throughout the years emotionally, WHATEVER she has gone through. I have also gone out of my way to provide her daughter with whatever I could that my own children have either outgrown or dont' use anymore. Things I could have consigned and made money back on. The last time she was over, I gave her a pair of shoes that were too big for me. But somehow I made her feel unwelcome. I didn't mean to, I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve so if I'm upset at you, you'd know.

I have ALSO asked her on occasion to care for my children and have been refused because it would be too hard. I asked when my mom was dying so that Shane could drive me to the coast and she said no. The reason she gave me for not wanting to watch my children so I can go away in June was that she had made a commitment to go to the park everyday with her daughter and the little girl she provides daycare for and it would just be too hard. Was I angry with her reason, yes. Because she has repeatedly turned me down when I have asked her if she and my brother in law could watch our girls. Even in the emergency of my mother dying she couldn't bring herself to provide care for my children so that I could have the support of my husband. It was too hard. Too much work. I have felt for a long time that if things didn't benefit her in some way that she couldn't be bothered. I can't even count the number of times Shane and I have paid the way for them for dinner, vacation, etc. My husband even paid my brother in law for the time he took off for his honeymoon despite the fact that vacation pay was already paid out on every single check. Two weeks wages. Am I ranting? Yes....

I left before dinner last night. I left Shane and the girls there and came home. I was hurt and angry and didn't feel like staying there would have benefited anyone. So I came home by myself and ate hamburger helper for Easter dinner. And during it all, my mother in law called and screamed at me for leaving. She told me to get my ass back there, that she hadn't worked hard all day preparing a meal to have me leave because of a tiff with my sister in law. The way she talked to me did NOT make me want to go back and I told her that. So she screamed at me to grow up and hung up on me. Needless to say, I didn't go back. Instead I thought long and hard about the way my relationship with my husband's side of the family has made me feel over the years. Of course there has been many, many good times. But there has also been so many bad times that I have dreaded attending family functions as they ALWAYS seem to turn into a dramafest. I made the decision last night that I am severing ties with my husband's family. There is too much negativity, too many resentments, too much hypocrisy and no one EVER says they're sorry. I can't do it anymore. I DO have many, many hurts over the way I feel Shane and I have been used over the years, the way we were abandoned after Calvin died and how everyone in the family seems to have self serving motives. I don't want to have to buy family. I don't want to fear expressing disappointment, anger, sadness because someone is going to TWIST things to make themselves look like victims. I'm tired of the drama. I don't know if Shane and I will stay married. I know that me severing ties with his family is going to cause friction for him and while I feel bad, I'm simply not willing to make the effort any longer. This family is TOXIC to my emotional well being and I can no longer be a part of that. It sucks and it hurts but I just can't deal with it anymore.