tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5342989442322137175.post5892053453969276273..comments2023-10-01T02:49:46.687-07:00Comments on She's Come Undone...: My Girlsmargarethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16494588299838654564noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5342989442322137175.post-465578264577777802009-05-06T15:21:00.000-07:002009-05-06T15:21:00.000-07:00A wise woman once told me that guilt about what we...A wise woman once told me that guilt about what we SHOULD have done is unproductive, that we have to be sure we are doing now what we SHOULD be doing. That woman was my son's speech teacher. My son who didn't talk until 4 will graduate with honors in a few weeks. I was feeling so guilty about all the things I should have done to teach him to talk before then, that I couldn't focus on doing the things I needed to do at that time. After she told me that, I let go of my guilt and started doing the things that I needed to do. He learned to talk and hasn't hushed since. <br /><br />Guilt is a heavy load to carry, and from what I have read, you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. You did the best you could do, probably even more so. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to love and care for your girls. Calvin would want you to be a good mommy to them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5342989442322137175.post-76874176514890964212009-05-01T08:26:00.000-07:002009-05-01T08:26:00.000-07:00Mother's guilt is the worst. We have guilt for our...Mother's guilt is the worst. We have guilt for our children that have passed, guilt for the children we have and what they have lost.<br /> It's a vicious cycle that can create seemingly unbearable anxiety.<br /> I slipped up and took some pain meds and still feel guilty. <br /> We need to give ourselves a break. No one that loses a child feels like they did enough/spend enough time with them. We were supposed to take care of them till WE died not them. That small amount we were given will never feel like enough to you, and that's just not your fault. If I had a magic rewinder, I would fix it all, since that's a ridiculous notion, I can only send you thoughts of love and pray, as un-worthy as I am...<br /> much love..lindsayLindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02732100851347489982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5342989442322137175.post-30990042578814564832009-05-01T08:21:00.000-07:002009-05-01T08:21:00.000-07:00A pep talk follows. If you're not in the mood, sk...A pep talk follows. If you're not in the mood, skip my comment.<br /><br />A few days ago, I was talking to my mother-in-law. I told her I wasn't sure if I'd go on an upcoming trip, because I wasn't sure if it was right for my family. She interrupted me and reminded me of what Oliver's anesthesiologist said to me one day: "There is no right way to do this." <br /><br />There is no right way to mourn for your son. <br /><br />There is no way to know the future. I frequently think about how many rotten things have happened to my family since we moved to the Midwest a year-and-a-half ago: unemployment, health crisis after health crisis, a difficult housing situation, another difficult housing situation, miscarriage, surgery, bed rest, a fractured family. It's tempting to say that moving to Wisconsin was the worst decision we ever made. And yet, there was no way we could have foreseen any of the things that happened. We made the best decision we could have at the time. <br /><br />I believe in you. I believe you are doing your best. And, if doing your best right now means big sis. and little sis. watch Treehouse over and over again, so be it. I know Evelyn became very good friends with Clifford, Sid the Science Kid, Joe and Steve of Blue's Clues, and Dora the Explorer while we were in the hospital and after we got home. That was the best I could do, and I didn't have your weight of grief to bear.Eva's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05362024512350527593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5342989442322137175.post-80739767269580135112009-05-01T05:01:00.000-07:002009-05-01T05:01:00.000-07:00Oh Margaret. I also feel terribly guilty that I sl...Oh Margaret. I also feel terribly guilty that I slept (slept? how could I?) during the four days that Georgina was alive. I could have been with her in the ICU but I was asleep. I will always regret that. I also wish that I could simply be grateful for the daughter that I do have. And I am, sometimes I am overwhelmed with her and I can put aside the grief. And other times I just can't.<br /><br />I don't think you are a poor excuse for a mother AT ALL. I can tell how much you love your daughters and your son in your writing. You are an incredibly strong mama.<br /><br />And I'm sure that, in a strange way, your girls might understand that you are hurting. They may not be able to articulate their understanding (well certainly not Georgia!) or comprehend the depth of your pain but I am convinced that children understand a lot more than we think sometimes.<br /><br />Hope that there are less miserable days ahead for you xoCatherine Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01618295389400457254noreply@blogger.com