I've been MIA from my blog, from my email friends and from FB. There has been so much going on in my life lately, I don't know where to start. But to make it simple, I'll start here....I'm coming apart at the seams. I should be better by now, shouldn't I? Well I'm far from okay lately. I think I may have post traumatic stress disorder and while I'll spare you the appalling details, I'm suffering from nightmares. Extreme nightmares where I scream and thrash about and wake up my husband. I've ground my teeth so much lately I've chipped the front ones noticeably. And I feel like crying alot. I've had to step back and take a break from all of "this world" and it's pain. I simply cannot cope right now without losing my marbles completely. I feel terrible, like an unreliable friend and I just wanted you all to know that it's not for lack of caring that I've disappeared. I'm starting to lose my stuffing and it's falling out so fast I can't stuff it back in quick enough right now. The term barely hanging on by a thread describes me to a tee and I'm sure if I don't get in to see someone soon I'm gonna end up taking a medically induced vacation. Sorry guys. Thought I was dealing with things better than I am. Realizing just how fucked up I am right now has been hard. Avoidance has kept me together for the most part but hasn't solved anything that I'm gonna have to deal with and before I grind my teeth down to little nubs of nothingness I wanted you all to know I love you and miss talking with you, miss the closeness of sisterhood I feel when I am keeping in touch. However, I tend to isolate like I've got the plague when I'm down and it truly is just me and always has been. And I know I'm going to really need some support here soon. So I thought I'd check in and let you all know I haven't checked out quite yet but I have some shit to get dealt with before I completely end up hollow. Please think of me from time to time and send some positive vibes my way.
Avelyn is Eleven Years Old. (WHAT IS LIFE?!)
4 weeks ago