1. My husband Shane. He is the most wonderfully kind man I have ever known. He has loved me unconditionally through some extremely trying times and has never stopped being good to me. He shaves my legs, he carries all the heavy things, he puts out the garbage and does all the manly man things around the house. He is sensitive and funny and tender and sweet and he is the one and only man I have ever had in my life who I trust completely because he seldom lets me down. He has laughed with me over silly things and he has cried with me when our world fell apart and our son died. There is no one on earth I would rather spend my life with than him.
2. My children, Lorelei, Georgia, and Calvin. My clock started ticking in my late twenties. I never really had thought about having children until I was about twenty-seven or twenty-eight. I married when I was twenty-eight to my first husband and we were separated eighteen months later. When Shane and I met, my clock was in overdrive and I told him within the first four weeks that I wanted a long-term relationship and kids so if he wasn't in it for the long haul I needed to know right away. Lo and behold he stayed and our journey to create a family began. We struggled through multiple pregnancy losses and finally had our first daughter Lorelei in 2005. I had never known how powerful parental love could be until we had our first child and for the first time in my life, I felt that walk through fire kind of love, the love that means you would sacrifice anything and everything for your child. I loved Lorelei so intensely I feared having other children because I didn't think I could love another child the way I love her. I was so wrong. I fell in love with Calvin and Georgia as soon as I knew I was pregnant with them. As my pregnancy progressed and the first hint of problems with Calvin's heart arose, I loved them even more. The day my twins were born was one of the best days of my life, it seems like minutes ago we were in the operating room and Calvin was being placed on my chest for our first meeting. The moment I looked into his eyes I knew I would do anything for him. I met Georgia last and it was her who has been my salvation in losing my son. Georgia has accepted not only the love I have for her, but the love I have for her twin brother who I can no longer hold in my arms. I love her for both of them, she in turn loves me back. We are extremely bonded. I thank God for my children, they have redefined the meaning of love for me.
3. Books. I love a good book although in the last fifteen years my life has not permitted me to read as much as I have in the past. There is nothing better to me than a Sunday afternoon with peace and quiet and a facinating read. I started my love affair with reading early with some of my favorite childhood memories being trips to the library with my mother. We would pick out eight or ten books, more often than not Dr. Seuss, and in the evenings after supper she would sit with me on the couch and read. When I was a teenager I would literally drown myself in Danielle Steele romances imagining the day when my tall, dark, and handsome man would whisk me away to some romantic land where we would live happily ever after. These days I mostly read books on grief and it helps to know I am not insane according to the experts on grieving...
4. Music. I love to sing, I love to dance, I love to close my eyes and listen. I appreciate all types of music. Depending on my mood I can be found listening to anything from Metallica to Mozart. Sometimes I go to sleep listening to music when I can't shut off my head and it helps to relax and soothe me when I'm anxious or upset. I dance with my children to music, I sing in the car. Shane and I have made love listening to our favorite "in the mood" tunes and music is with me whenever we travel any distance in the car. Music brings up emotion in me that I can't explain. It has made me feel pumped up, energized, happy, relaxed, sad, groovy...music makes me feel alive.
5. Water. I love the oceans, lakes, rivers. I love being near water. For seven years I lived on Skaha Lake in a beautiful outdated old house. We had our own dock and boat launch and on hot summer nights I would slip down into the backyard and sit on the dock with my feet in the water listening to the sound of the waves, feeling the cool swirl around my toes. I have always been drawn to water. Growing up in Ontario by Lake Erie, my family always had boats. When I was five, we would canoe in cottage country, spending hours navigating little waterways, paddling through reeds and bullrushes. I revelled in the scenery, listening to birds and insects buzzing in the warm summer air. A year later my parents bought a sailboat and we'd spend weekends sailing Lake St. Clair often travelling across the border and spending the night on the boat, the gentle waves rocking us to sleep. The sailboat gave way to a cabin cruiser and more time on the water, all of my parents friends boated, it seemed not just a recreation but a way of life. Since then, the smell of the ocean, the sound of water brings back some of the happiest memories of my childhood when there was peace and joy in my family. I find that simply being near water relaxes me and makes me feel good and on days when I am unhappy a stroll along the beach restores my calm and clears my head.
6. Sleep, oh how I love to sleep. I have always had a love affair with slumber and as soon as I was old enough to not be so excited about Christmas morning that I was awake at five am, I started sleeping in, realizing that goodness, the presents would wait. As a teen, I often felt sleep deprived and on the weekends would sleep as long as humanly possible without wetting the bed. Many school mornings my dear friend Lisa would walk to my house and literally pry me out of bed with a crowbar to get me going. I swear that it's only because of her that I ever made it to homeroom most days. My love affair with sleep has been consistent through the years, only interupted by the odd bout of insomnia that has me stomping my foot in frustration that I am being deprived of my beloved rest. My husband is a morning person. I am not. He has learned through many an exasperating morning that the best thing for us both is for him to get up with the girls whenever possible, and to wake me an hour or so later with a steaming hot cup of cappucino. *Also one of the reasons Shane is number 1 on my list....
7. I love order. If you were to step foot into my house today you would not for one minute believe me. My house is chaos. I hate it and feel frustrated by it alot of the time but I have learned to live with it not being up to my standards. An extremely active toddler, a six month old baby and a very messy husband leave me cleaning and tidying all day behind everyone. It makes me nuts to have to do it everyday, all day, to get it to where I like it. I started to notice I was angry alot so I just stopped. I pick up when I need to now or when it's so messy I feel like ripping my hair out by the roots one by one, otherwise, I mostly make sure our laundry is done and that things are somewhat accessible. Truly it sounds like a cop out, I don't know how women can manage cooking, cleaning and taking care of the children all day long and having their houses look perfect because I haven't managed without feeling like an underpaid maid. I crave order in my life like an addict craves heroin. I like to know where everything is. I like my bills to be paid on time and my house clean. I like everything to be put back into it's place and for things to be neat and tidy. I love routine. I like to have the girls in bed at a certain time and have their meals ready at the same time everyday. Order gives me a sense of security, like I'm in control of my life and that things are going as they should. I like being on time, for people I have plans with to be on time, I like to feel the sense of accomplishment when my husband asks me where his health socks are and I can produce them because I know exactly where they are. I love the sense of sanity order brings to my life and I can tell when things aren't going well by the state of not only my house but my bankbook...Ummm, no one come over without calling first, K?!! LOL
And now, for your reading pleasure, I nominate the following seven blogs for a Kreativ Blogger Award:
Kickyboots http://kickyboots.com/ Amanda
Truncus Arteriosus http://truncusarteriosus.blogspot.com/ Jesse
Sweet Salty http://www.sweetsalty.com/ Kate
Nie Nie http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/ Stephanie
All the Little Ponies http://allthelittleponies.blogspot.com/ Bir
Burble http://barbaraboucher.blogspot.com/ Barb
LaLa Land http://lindsaylala.blogspot.com/ Lindsay