In memory of my son, because every life leaves something beautiful behind...
Friday, May 1, 2009
I think I've finally lost it. Usually, I'm pretty organized in fact, downright anal about scheduling. I make appointments, I plan my day, and always know what I'm doing. I must have gapped out sometime last week under all the stress of Mother's Day and getting Calvin's marker. I have been needing to write a simple letter to the grocery store in order to get a donation of hotdogs and hamburgers for our scavenger hunt coming up on next weekend and for some reason the " I have lots of time" thing got stuck and all of a sudden I'm panicked about it. So, I go to write the letter and guess what, our copy of Microsoft Office expired yesterday. It was a trial version apparently. Now my letterhead is stuck in Microsoft limbo and unless we go buy the full version or spend the six hundred or so bucks to download it, my Memorial Fund letterhead is inaccessible. Not only that, but relying purely on memory, I made a whole shwack of appointments that I'm not sure I can keep. Originally, I had made a doctor's appointment for Monday, but Amanda and Betty are probably coming over that day to see us (and Lorelei's actually not in daycare that day), so I switched it to Tuesday. Trouble is, I forgot I booked an appointment for Calvin's marker at the funeral home on Tuesday and Georgia's six month shots are that day too. I also booked an appointment to have the van serviced sometime this coming week only I didn't write down what day or time. Thursday I have therapy and a dentist's appointment, Friday I go in for the second session under the tattoo needle for my memorial tattoo. Saturday is my birthday and the scavenger hunt. I think I'll call in sick for everything. I can't believe I actually did this to myself. Not only that, but Shane is going out of town to work this week which absolutely figures because now I have to drag the kids to all my appointments or arrange daycare. Bah. So much for being organized. I'm not sure what happened to me but honestly, I can't for the life of me figure out what I was thinking making all those appointments without writing anything down. I could care less about cancelling therapy if I need to for a week, but Georgia's shots and the Memorial Fund stuff are pretty important. Time to get a Blackberry perhaps?
I have decided to write about my feelings following the death of my only son in November 2008. I'm learning that grief is a process with good days and bad, a lonely road with new beginnings and unavoidable endings. It is my hope that through writing I can come to peace with what has happened to us and our beautiful boy.