Saddened by how the loss of my son has affected every area of my life.
Scared about what tomorrow may bring and whether or not I will have the strength to face it.
Doubtful that my life will ever have any semblance of normalcy again.
Defective because my tubes are tied and I cannot naturally conceive again to give my husband the one thing he wants.
Powerless that I can't bring Calvin back.
Withdrawn from friends and family who have no idea what it feels like to be living suspended above hell.
Today I feel like dying. I think my insides are already there...
There is no hope, and that in itself is devastating.
Like a failure. As a wife, as a mother, as a woman.
That I need someone to reach out and pull me back from the edge, because I feel my life spiralling downward.
Rage that I couldn't stop everything that happened, and that God has let me down.
Like crying, and I have been. All fucking day.
Maybe This Year Will Be Better Than the Last*
3 weeks ago