Waiting Again

The funeral director was apalled when he heard that Calvin's name had been spelled incorrectly on his marker and assured us that "This never happens, it's a terrible fluke," like it would make us feel any better. Our son had a 90% chance of survival following his open heart surgery too, his death was also a "fluke". We are now waiting again for Calvin's marker to be replaced. I was told repeatedly that they could not possibly leave the marker there until his new one came, no no no, it must be sent back immediately. So my son lays in an unmarked grave yet again and we are back to waiting. Six weeks we were assured. "It better be here in six weeks, my son is not spending another winter without a marker on his grave", Shane told Rick. I'm hoping beyond hope it's here in time for installation. However, the family ceremony and balloon release that I had planned for a nice, warm, sunny day has been postponed, maybe until next spring. Devastated? Yes, again and again. Heartbroken for my beautiful, perfect son who lies in the ground in an unmarked grave like someone who's life was not worth acknowledging. Heartbroken for my husband who cannot bring himself to visit Calvin until the marker is installed and angry at the careless jerk who didn't check his work or maybe thought he could sneak his mistake past us. Now, instead of nice green grass and fresh flowers at Calvin's marker, I am anticipating dry, dead, brown grass and silk flowers for the winter. I'm bitter. I feel that if shit is going to go wrong, then it always seems to go wrong for Shane and I. Maybe I need an exorcism. Bah......