Thursday, August 27, 2009

Just a Vent

I know this post is going to offend some, believe me it is not meant to in any way, shape or form. This is purely my opinion and not meant to start an arguement with anyone over personal beliefs including religion. But, this is my blog and I am so frustrated and angry right now I need to vent, so here goes.

As Shane and I have struggled over the years to have a family, I have joined numerous forums on the internet hoping to find answers or understanding from women experiencing the same things I've been through. I have been pregnant eight times with nine babies and only have Lorelei and Georgia living and healthy. Having these precious children has been a long road of struggle and heartache for me. Many of you know that I have a condition called Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome that has caused me to lose several pregnancies and the treatment caused complications in my pregnancy with Lorelei. Nuff said bout that. Anyhow, one of the forums I visit,, has been a wonderful place for me to go and share and find information about pregnancy and infertility. Most, if not all of the women on that site are dealing with infertility to some degree. Some have been trying for years to get pregnant and will never have the opportunity. Others, like me, have had problems related to health issues that have been resolved enough to carry a child. A couple of weeks ago, a woman on my forum posted a topic requesting input on circumscision. Fair enough. It is my basic understanding that in Canada, circumscision is considered an unecessary cosmetic surgery and is no longer covered by medical. In fact, very few doctors in the valley will perform this surgery anymore. I know this because my sister in law had a tough time finding a doctor to circumsize her son. My feelings on this topic have changed drastically in the last ten years. When I was married to my previous husband, he was circumsized and I had always assumed that if we had children together, if we had a boy he would be too. My feelings changed after I watched a documentary on circumscision put on by the CBC years ago. I never realized that such a widespread practise could cause damage or harm to an infant. In the documentary, various forms of circumscision were shown, including one in a surgical suite at a hospital and one being done by a rabbi in a Jewish temple. There were interviews with several doctors who were pro and against the operation. One thing that was brought up in the documentary was complications from circumscision. There were pictures of babies who had developed infections and scarring that caused horrible damage to their penises. Some babies lost their penises altogether after resulting infection led to gangrene. Yes, in our country and in our civilized society these things do still happen. It got me to thinking at that time, what if I circumsized my son and something went wrong and he lost his penis and was never able to have sexual intercourse when he was a man. What if I had my son circumsized and scar tissue prevented him from urinating properly? Why would I be having this surgery performed on my son for other than cosmetic reasons? It was at that point that I made the decision to not circumsize any male children I would have. This is something I feel rather strongly about, having struggled to have my children. There is no way I would have subjected Calvin to an elective surgery that has a risk of complications for any reason. To make a long story short, I posted my reasons against circumscision in the thread on the forum and included the pathology report from the Penticton boy who died following his circumsicision. Most of the women who posted in that thread had had their sons circumsized and used reasoning such as cleanliness, infection and disease control as to why they had had the procedure done. Most of them ridiculed my concerns of complications, one even said in a post that we risk our lives crossing the street everyday and the chance of something happening like a complication was minimal. I do understand this. I also know first had how it feels to lose a child after being given a ninety percent prognosis on his recovery. It sucks being in the ten percent who develop complications to surgery and die. But it does happen. It happened to us. Statistically circumsicsion is a relatively safe procedure, but things do go wrong. In Canada, most doctors now view it as an unecessary surgery. Men have been born with foreskins since the beginning of time and being married to a man who is not circumsized and who has had no issue with hygiene, infection or cleanliness proves to me that it is not necessary to have it done to be clean. I was horrified that these women who have struggled for so long to have children, many dealing with infertility struggles for years, could put a child that they have worked so hard to have at risk for surgical complications. Yes this is just my opinion, but I was seething mad that some of these women practically laughed at me for my very real and valid points. Complications do indeed happen, that is why parents are informed of complication risks prior to the procedure being done. As a mother, if I had had my son circumsized and he developed complications that prevented him from having a healthy functioning penis later in life, I would not be able to live with the guilt. As for the children themselves, they are not able to make informed consent at this point in life and as a result could end up damaged from a decision that was made for them. I could not believe that my points would be taken so lightly and even mocked after attaching the post mortem findings from the pathologist who performed the autopsy on the local boy who bled to death following his circumsicision. I'm angry right now at those women who could take the health of their children so lightly and without consequence and who refuse to acknowledge risk. Wonder how it will feel for them if something does go wrong? I know how I felt being in the bottom percent, it was the worst thing in the world.


  1. I was relieved when we were told we were having a girl. Because, I swore I was having a boy, and had been agonizing over the whole circumscision thing. I'm sure the woman who were mocking you has never lost a child. I'm sure they look at the statistics and figure the worst wouldn't happen to their child. When you become the statistic, it's just different. I'm sorry that happened to you.

  2. I don't know how I really feel on the snipping as I've only ever had girls, but I CAN agree that those women should agree to disagree with you and not bashed your points just because they didn't line up with theirs. That's what forums are for, to see things in a different way or even change your opinion, but if you don't agree, you take to making people feel small.
    I'm sorry these women were rude to you, and they were.
    Someone, anonymous of course, wrote 'attention seeking behavior' in a comment a few posts back on my blog. I don't get the 'IRL' and real life difference. It's still people out there, making nasty comments and what not. It's hard not to take it personal, when it is.
    Love to you Margaret,

    I too know how it feels to be in the bottom percent..I don't know that I would take the chance.

  3. I meant you DON'T take to making people feel small...oops

  4. I have lost my son. Personally I would take no chances ...NONE at all. I would also not want my child to be poked, prodded or hurt without reason. Akul had to endure so much as it is ...

  5. honey, i am with you all the way on this one. i say hooray for foreskin! if i have a son, i'd not even contemplate the procedure. it's completely unnecessary, it really is genital mutilation, but for social/religious reasons it is not defined as so. not quite sure what the canadian stats are, but in the US 70% of males are circumcized, whereas only 30% of the entire male population of the world is circumcized. so it's certainly not "the norm". and aside from medical arguments, the number of nerve endings in the foreskin far outweighs the rest of the penis. why take that away???? that's just so mean! and the whole "it's a personal decision"-it's not a "personal" decision if it affects ANOTHER person!
    anyway, i'm rambling. i'm sorry about those womens' rude and (in my opinion) ignorant behavior. they don't have to have gone through what we've gone through to see our viewpoint. all it takes is some research to know the facts, and then genuinely question your reasoning and deciding if that's really what is best for your son. it's sad that people only do this because they don't want their son to get laughed at in the locker room or bedroom. if it weren't so widely practiced in the states (and canada?) that would never be an issue.
    goodness, i'm sorry i wrote so much!

  6. I know I did have your e-mail address somewhere, but after searching a while, I can't find it ;( that's mine, could you e-mail me your address. I've had a little something that I want to send you too..
    Love you