Tuesday, February 16, 2010


My husband's brother's wife Trisha (my sister inlaw), is thirty-nine weeks pregnant today. I am excited and anxious for their baby to be born. Trisha and Greg decided not to find out the sex of the baby so it will be a surprise for us all. Trisha has talked alot with me about my pregnancy experiences with Lorelei and Calvin and Georgia and I have been happy to share in her joy and answer any questions she has had based on my own experiences. Trisha has been very much a younger sister to me for years now, we have a good and open relationship where we can talk about pretty much anything. About a month ago, Trisha asked me if I would be her stand-in birth coach, to give Greg some respite as she labours, to run for ice chips or whatever she may need in those moments and to share in the joy of her birth. I'm beyond honoured. I was so touched that she thought of me and asked me to be there on such a special occassion that it brought tears to my eyes. I have never witnessed a birth before, my own births were caesareans, one under general anesthetic and one with a spinal. Even though I was very much awake for Calvin and Georgia's births, I couldn't see anything because of the drapes, not even the babies until they were cleaned up, checked, weighed and then handed back over to me. I am so excited to be part of my neice or nephew's birth but the longer Trisha stays pregnant, the more nervous I get.

I guess having high risk pregnancies I have certain expectations about what should be done based on my own experiences. Trisha's prenatal care has been very different from my own in that she has had only one ultrasound so far other than the 4D ultrasound they went for at a specialty clinic. She has also not had to have any non-stress tests or the frequent checkups I had. Her doctor is also pretty relaxed about the possibility that she may go beyond her due date and Trisha has told me that they will let her go ten days. I don't like this. To be honest, it scares the shit out of me and I have urged Trisha to be her own advocate in regards to her birth and to not let the doctors pressure her into going ten days past her due date if she is feeling uneasy about it. Really, her health is much better than mine in the fact that she doesn't have any clotting disorders, she is much younger than I was during my first pregnancy and for being a tad overweight when she got pregnant, she has only gained twelve pounds. I am in awe of how amazing she is doing for her first pregnancy. I must say I'm jealous over the fact that she's gained next to no weight at all by following her doctor's orders and she has the most perfect, beautiful pregnant belly ever. She truly suits being pregnant. But I don't want her to be pregnant ten days past her due date. I'm not sure if my fears are irrational given her good health, I just have a terrible feeling about them letting her go that long past.

Maybe my fear comes from having read too many blogs of mothers who have lost their perfectly healthy babies at term and the fear that something like that could happen to someone I love so much. I don't want Greg or Trisha to have to deal with the same pain Shane and I have gone through after losing our son. I want everything to be perfect for them and their new baby. I want them to know the joy of bringing their baby home and knowing that he/she is here to stay. I love this baby already and I want the very best for her. I don't know why I am so scared for them at a time I should be patiently waiting with NO WORRIES that anything could go wrong. I just want Trisha to go into labour and have an easy, uncomplicated birth that results in a live, healthy baby at the end of it all. I can't wait to be there, to share in their joy. I just wish I could shake this feeling and be reassured that everything will be just fine. Because it will. I know it. I just would feel better if the baby was out now.

How crazy is this???


  1. your not crazy! You are just nervous for them as would be expected given what you have been through. It's good you are telling her to be an advocate for herself. I really hope everything goes well for them.It's so wonderful that you get to be with her during her labor and birth! WOO! *hugs*

  2. Margaret, what an honor! How wonderful, the person I asked to be with Lawrence and I was someone I trusted completely and felt safe with for such a remarkable, yet personal and vulnerable time. She made a great choice in you!

    You are not crazy, you have said many times that when you lost Calvin, you lost your ability to be blissfully naive. To always believe things will just work out. While you may gain more of that back in other aspects of your life, you may never when it comes to pregnancies and births. And now you have hundreds of friends and hundreds of stories of all the things that could go wrong - in addition to your own horror.

    My doctor would have let me go 7 days past my due date with all three pregnancies and she also induced/helped along 2 of them before that 7 days came - when I was ready to go. Waiting 10 days is an eternity at that point of pgncy! I don't think 10 days is THAT out of the ordinary for many docs and a healthy pregnancy, but I do understand why it scares you so much.

    Deep breath, wait until her due date to start worrying about that, because hopefully she will go before and the 10 days will never come into play. Keep giving her great advice and rely on her feelings of uneasiness to help her make the right decisions for them if necessary. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow, just concentrate on today.

    I'll be thinking and praying for them and can't wait to congratulate you as a new auntie ("who was there when you were born!") very soon! Much love!

  3. I know what you mean but the fact that she wants you there is wonderful. You have a world of experience(s).

  4. Oh Margaret, can you please email me @

  5. Of course you're worried! Of course. Of course. Of course. Oh, but what a treat! A delicious yummy treat to be there with your sister-in-law! I'm thrilled for you.

  6. How wonderful that you will be there! There is nothing wrong with going past their due date, nothing at all! Let the baby come when he/she is ready, there are more complications in inductions than not! I do understand your worry though!

  7. Of course it's natural to be anxious, you're not crazy! :) So great you get to be there with her!

  8. That is wonderful that you will be there. I think it is only natural to be anxious. You are not crazy. Not at all! I am wishing that everything goes perfect for them.

  9. I TOTALLY understand your worry about her potentially going that far beyond her due date. Brings back memories of being pregnant with my own Calvin, and finding out my doc wouldn't induce until I was 10 days overdue. At 6 days overdue (after getting my membranes stripped 3 times in the prior 48 hours) I was in prodromal labor and finally convinced him to admit me. But that was then. Now, after losing Addison at 38.5 weeks, I would be so nervous going anywhere near my due date in future pregnancies. And I have your same anxiety about watching other moms going over their due dates. We know too much, don't we?

    That being said, I'm sure your dear SIL will have a wonderfully healthy baby. My babies were also born via c-section (general for 1st and epidural for 2nd) and I have never been anywhere near a "real" birth. What a really special thing to share with her. It will make an amazing story to share with your future niece or nephew, and will definitely strengthen your bond. Try to relax, says me, the Anxiety Queen.

  10. It is natural for us lost baby moms to be worried... we know how quickly things can go wrong. But most women have healthy babies with great ease...so relax.

  11. not crazy at all. we look at life through loss's lens, where beautiful, perfect babies are lost for no good reason. i think it is wonderful that you are going to be the birth coach, and i will keep trisha in my thoughts. just remember, most babies are born perfect, and healthy.

  12. That is so nice that she asked you to be there to help her. I certainly understand your fear! I'm not sure how women can go so far past their due dates. With my daughter Kyndra I was induced at 40w2d. Even though I had no clue about babyloss yet I wasn't comfortable going any farther. It is scary!

  13. Hi Margaret. Just dropping by to say hello and that I hope all is well. Is there a niece/nephew yet? Hope that you are hanging in there...thinking of you. Hugs!

  14. Your not crazy at all! I think the worry is just a way of life now for all of us who have experienced loss. I can't wait to hear the birth announcement!

  15. it's not crazy, it's a fear you have based on a terrible experience of losing someone you loved so very much. In my book it's ok for us to be afraid, if anyone in the world is justified in feeling that it's us. I think it's lovely that you're going to be her birth coach, I hope it's a beautiful experience for both of you.

  16. Hello,

    What an honor, you are going to do great. I can't wait to read about the birth.

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