Thursday, April 22, 2010

Non-Entity

Shane and I were bereft in the fall of 2008 when our son died, so much so that nothing mattered more than getting through Christmas and trying to mourn while tending to Georgia's newborn needs. We holed up in our home for what seemed to be months, doing little except spending time with our girls, avoiding going out in public where our loss could be brought up in awkward places. With the focus so much on our grief and trying to survive it, certain areas in our lives became neglected, one area being that we didn't file our taxes for 2008. Today I took the opportunity of a few free hours to collect receipts, slips and forms and head down to our local tax preparation place to file my delinquent tax return. After dealing with a blatantly rude receptionist who sat on the phone talking to her friend about "yeah, we're all laid off as of May 15th and now I have to give up my apartment....", I sat down to wait for someone to come and get me. After about ten minutes, an overly friendly woman bounced around the corner and called my name. Her friendly demeanor changed within minutes of finding out that I hadn't filed for 2008 and she grumbled about having to file a paper return. While sitting across the desk from the woman about to file my taxes, I pulled out Calvin and Georgia's birth certificates and place them on her desk. With a blank stare, the woman looked from Calvin's certificate to me, to the certificate again without saying anything. Bluntly I asked her, "Can I claim my son as a dependent for 2008?", to which she replied, "I don't think so", as she shoved the document back towards me. "But he lived for six days", I said. "Yeah, I don't think that counts", was her answer. Numbly I put his birth certificate back in my purse and as she picked up Georgia's birth certificate she asked, "Is she dead too?".

I literally had to use every ounce of restraint to be polite in my reply. Gritting my teeth, I answered, "No, she's at home with me...". I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that this woman basically told me that my son's life "didn't count". That he could not be considered a dependent because he didn't live long enough. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I wanted to smash her fucking teeth in. I couldn't believe how casually she pushed Calvin's birth certificate towards me, the word Deceased seeming to leap off the top of the page. It was all she saw. All that mattered. My beautiful, perfect looking baby boy doesn't count because he's "Deceased". His birth certificate might as well have said "Diseased" by the way she was so quick to get it off her desk and back into my purse. I'm surprised she didn't go and wash her hands. Thanks so much H&R Block, thanks for turning an unpleasant experience into something that literally ruined my day. I'm glad your office is closing if this is the way your staff treats their clients. If the government really feels that my son doesn't count because he didn't live long enough, then perhaps I just won't file my frigging taxes again. Revenue Canada, go suck an egg.

19 comments:

  1. Life is so much better inside our own bubbles. I hate going outside of mine, although I leave it every day and head into the world of public schools. I cannot wait until school is over and I can spend more time inside of my office bubble where I can more or less control the comments that are thrown at me. I am sorry that this woman was so insensitive...and I am sorry that Revenue Canada says that he 'doesn't count.' For what it's worth, (I can't say with certainty) I am pretty sure that things on this side of the border aren't much different. I know that this is a blow, but I hope that it doesn't keep you too low for too long.... As always, thinking of you and sending you warm, fuzzy hugs...

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  2. Argh, I am so sorry she treated you that way - I was pretty sure that was the case from looking on their website but I was dreading knowing the answer as well. If you have it in you, and I don't think that I would - you could complain and at least she would get spoken to about it. He does look perfect, I think that every time I look at your blog.

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  3. margaret, i am so sorry for the way that women treated you and the way she disrupted you and your children, especially Calvin. i'm angry and hurt with you, and am amazed at your composure. Thinking of you.

    -crystal @ Blessed to Be Broken

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  4. That pissed me off! And by the way she is wrong. I'm a CPA and you do count a deceased spouse or child as if they lived the entire year. I'm going to do some research for Canadian tax and find out if this woman is even right. I know that's not the point, but it is the only thing I can do to fight back at her. I hope you have her name! BITCH!

    Yeah, you've got some serious class Margaret, I'm proud of you!

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  5. I am so sorry you had such a horrible experience. People trained to do taxes are probably not trained in how to deal properly with all situations presented to them. I think you have a legitimate issue that should be addressed to the company.

    I grew up with the Bloch family. They could not be nicer, more giving to the community and charities. The Bloch family is amazing.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Bloch

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_W._Bloch

    Henry Bloch's wife has suffered strokes. He is caring for her. One of their son's left the business to be a teacher in the inner city.

    I agree that the way you were treated is horrible. I just had to say how kind and giving the actual family is to all.

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  6. We included Akul in our tax returns and he lived for 3 days. Sunil files our taxes so we did not have to go to any stupid H & R block. I have only heard disaster stories about them...ofcourse George matters ...and yes he lived just like Akul...xo xo

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  7. I'm so sorry you were treated so hatefully. Our daughter Meredith loved 3 days in 1974 (in the US) and we were able to claim her that year. I still have that return with her name on it, 35 years later. Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your child. God bless you.

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  8. I'm so sorry Margaret. What an awful woman to have so little compassion. I'm particular cross about her comment as to whether Georgia was still alive.
    Calvin counts with me. He counts with anyone who reads your blog I'm sure. Just because his life was short doesn't make it of any less worth. I'm sorry that this woman afforded him so little respect. x

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  9. I am so sorry. I just blogged about something similar yesterday...some people don't get it! I hope that today is better!

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  10. Oh I'm sorry you had to encounter someone so lacking in compassion.

    Calvin is perfect and beautiful and counts very much.

    xxx

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  11. Oh Margaret I am so sorry this woman has made you feel this way.It seems not only does she not have a brain but she is lacking in heart too. Sending you lots of hugs xx

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  12. first of all, yes you can claim calvin, he was alive during the tax year, so she is a cow who doesn't know what she is talking about. second, i wish we were allowed one free slap every once in the while, because her "is she dead too" comment deserved a slap in the mouth. ARGH!

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  13. My jaw dropped the minute I read those terrible words! Oh Margaret, I'm so sorry. What harsh words to hear. I'm not sure about all areas, but this woman might not even be correct. It might be worth looking into. I know at least some states over here will include babies if they live, even if it's for only a short time. Many hugs to you.

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  14. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I know in the US you can claim any baby that was born during that tax year. I am not sure how it works in Canada though. xoxo

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  15. Terrible woman. Why are there so many heartless people in the world? We claimed Addison for our 09 taxes. Turns out our CPA's wife had a 20-week stillborn several years ago. Small painful world.

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  16. WOW! that is just crazy! Doesn't count!! Damn her! It's so symbolic of how people act in general about our babies being gone. They just push us aside and think that they don't count. Therefore, our emotions and grief shouldn't be. Grrr this just makes me so mad. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

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  17. Rebecca asked why there are so many heartless people in the world? I think they are all there to remind us that humanity and compassion matters.

    I never knew anything about grief until I lost my son, and while I would have never said anything like that, I am sure I was not also very compassionate, due more to my fear of saying something stupid.

    But this woman on the other hand, Wow, amazing. Once again, they are there to teach us about why it matters.

    I am sorry that you met her at all, but mostly, I am sorry that you have to be missing Calvin at all.

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  18. I'm so sorry. That really stings. And that lady had no right to be so rude. No wonder home is more more appealling to us.

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  19. my jaw just hit the floor. that woman's got a black heart. screw her! Calvin's life does count, thankyouverymuch. i thankfully didn't do my own taxes this year; my best friend (who's also my boss during tax season) did them for me, probably to save me from having to enter zero under dependents this year and having a breakdown in the office in front of clients... (too bad somebody couldn't have filled out my financial aid form too) just send me your taxes next year, i'll do them for ya! :)

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