Sunday, November 28, 2010

Mom...

My mother passed away suddenly this past week. Although she had been sick for many, many years with Multiple Sclerosis and that I knew her death was an eventuality, I was unprepared emotionally for the pain. I got the call Monday night at seven o'clock that she had pnuemonia and would likely die in one to two days, her doctors having decided years ago that no medical intervention would be taken in an such an event due to mom's poor quality of life. That said, still hoping for the best I boarded a Greyhound Tuesday afternoon after spending hours trying to arrange care for the girls so that Shane could come with me. When we couldn't find anyone to care for our girls, Shane stayed home and I went alone. Mom passed away at seven o'clock Tuesday evening, an hour before my bus got there. I was too late to say good-bye...However, the staff at the hospital had arranged with my family to keep mom there, in her bed in her private room until I arrived to see her and spend some time saying all the things I had hoped to say while she was still alive. It was surreal to say the least. When I walked in to my mother's hospital room, the lights were dimmed, there was soft music playing and my mother lay still, looking peaceful. The tears came fast and hard and I cried and held her hand, kissed her forehead and said my farewells....The same detatched feeling, the head not part of my body any longer came over me just as it had when Calvin died. I felt like I was outside myself as I left her room for the last time.

The next couple of days flew by in a flurry of activity, making funeral arrangements, dealing with the bank and the lawyers handling her estate. Mom's wishes were to be cremated and have her ashes scattered where her father's ashes were scattered on a pretty stretch of road in the coastal mountains of BC. Trying my best to honour her wishes and yet deal with my own feelings of "needing a place to go", the family and I came to a compromise that I would receive half of Mom's ashes which I will have buried with Calvin in the spring. I feel old yet young at the same time. At the age of thirty-nine I have lost both my parents and my infant son...nothing I ever expected to have experienced by this time in my life. I'm sad. I'm sad for my mother's suffering all these years, yet at the same time, I'm happy she's free. When I imagine her holding Calvin in Heaven it brings a sense of great peace to my heart, knowing that my son is receiving the love of his grandmother until we all meet again...

This song spoke to my heart and I wanted to share it with you...Goodbye's the Saddest Word.

21 comments:

  1. Oh Margaret, my heart is so heavy for you. I am so sorry for your loss.... although your mom was sick, it's never, ever easy. I too, am glad she is at peace. How lucky she is to have such a beautiful and perfect grandson to welcome her.... love to you, friend.

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  2. I am so sorry you have lost your mother. You are right, you are way to young to have endured so much loss in your life. My heart goes out to you.

    xo

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  3. Bless you and your Mom now holding Calvin in heaven.

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  4. I'm so sorry that you lost your Mom... I can't imagine the pain but definitely thinks she's up in heaven snuggling with your sweet little Calvin. Hugz.

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  5. Im so very sorry for your loss. Sending you love and wishing you peace.

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  6. I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. Sending prayers and hugs.

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  7. I grieve with you, though we have never met. Our mothers are so precious to us, aren't they? You are in my prayers for the loss of your mother as well as your baby son.(((HUGS)))

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  8. I so hope that your mother is holding Calvin in heaven.

    ((hugs)) to you Margaret. I grieve with you.

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  9. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mother, Margaret. Hugs to you and your family and I hope she's keeping Calvin close to her. XO

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  10. tears and hugs my sweet friend. i am so, so sorry for your loss. xx

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  11. Sending a prayer for your family...

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  12. I am so so sorry :(

    what a wonderful thought of your mother being healed and taking care of sweet Calvin until you get there.. <3 ((hugs))

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  13. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mother. xo.

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  14. I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your family.

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  15. Oh, Margaret. I'm so sorry! November is a hard month.

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  16. Here from LFCA. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom ... and I love the image of her holding Calvin. So beautiful. Thinking of you ... *hug*

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  17. Margaret, I am very sorry that you are again at a loss. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  18. Hi, here from LFCA. I am so very sorry that you've lost your father, your son and now your mother. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I will be praying for you and your family. xx

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  19. With deepest sympathy for your loss. May her body be free from pain. May she be running free through the tall grass with the sun shining on her face.

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  20. I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing, Margaret. I'm glad you were there to say goodbye. I remember that moment with my father and it was such a blessing that I could be there. Sending lots of hugs and love. xo

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