The Christmas spirit came to our house yesterday, not in the form of packages under the tree or stockings brimming with goodies. It came in the form of togetherness and in the love we have for each other. Our Christmas Day was wonderful even though we were missing Calvin and my thoughts turned to what could have been during moments throughout the day. We didn't have an unlimited supply of cash to distract us with this year and there were no trips to Toys R Us made in hopes of spoiling the girls. We were on a budget this year for sure, Shane and I exchanged small gifts between us instead of our usual "let's see who can outspoil the other" Christmases of the past. Instead we focused on our girls and making the holiday special for them. Lorelei wrote a letter to Santa outlining her most wished for items, A Tonka Bounceback Racer, Aquadoodle and new slippers. She received a letter back from Santa on Christmas Eve, thanks to the good folks at Canada Post, and she went to sleep confident in the jolly elf's ability to make her Christmas dreams come true. Indeed they did. Christmas morning came early for me as poor Georgia has been awake til five am most mornings this past week with teething pain. Lorelei tiptoed into our room just past eight to let us know that Santa had come so I climbed out of bed and set about getting breakfast going, making coffee and keeping her distracted enough not to go crazy while we waited for Georgia to wake up. Finally, just after nine I went and woke Georgia so that the girls could start opening presents. Shane and I had bought Lorelei a ton of art supplies, magic markers, paint, paper, stickers and glitter glue because she loves to create pictures and make cards for people. She was so excited opening her gifts and seeing all the new things she had to create with. Not only did she receive art supplies but lots of brand new Playdoh, story books and DVD's, new pyjamas and best of all, her Bounceback Racer with one for Daddy as well so they can play together. The fatman also brought her brand new Clifford the Big Red Dog slippers to keep her feet warm and a ton of goodies including Kinder eggs for her stocking.
It was with joy in my heart that I watched our girls open their presents yesterday morning. Seeing Georgia playing with her new toys, watching Lorelei jumping up and down yelling that "This is the best Christmas ever" and knowing we had a beautiful turkey dinner to go to later on in the day brought a smile to my face and a feeling of satisfaction. Sure enough I was exhausted by about one in the afternoon and Georgia and I retired for a nap while Shane and Lorelei played with their new toys. My nap put us a bit late heading up to Shane's parents for dinner and it was to my surprise that when we got up there, there were a ton of presents to open up there as well. Shane's mom bought me my favorite chocolates and gave us a gift card for groceries which is much appreciated right now, and they spoiled the girls like crazy. Lorelei got her Aquadoodle from grandma and papa and her aunts and uncles overdid themselves buying her and Georgia gifts. Just watching the happiness on my child's face, seeing Georgia beam as she was passed from person to person, just sitting in the togetherness of the family made my Christmas so incredibly special. No, I didn't get alot this year but surpringly enough it didn't matter to me one bit. I HAVE all I need in the way of material things. What I GOT was a feeling of peace and satisfaction that this is how it is supposed to be. We were together, we had a fabulous dinner, my children were overjoyed. I thought of Calvin as Shane's dad said grace, asking God to watch over him and I just knew that Calvin was safe in the arms of God and enjoying Christmas in heaven. It's a feeling I've wanted and searched for since my son died. Knowing that Christmas had come without Calvin being here and enjoying it anyway was such a gift. It's what I wanted and I am so grateful I got it. I wondered throughout the day how the rest of you were coping. I remember all too well the emptiness of our first Christmas without our son last year and knew that some of you would be feeling that emptiness too. My wish for all of you was that you find peace in your hearts at some point over the holidays. That the terrible yearning and aching for your children didn't tear things apart for you. That the coming year brings a sense of renewed hope for your families. I am full of hope for the new year, and I pray that some of that hope finds it's way to you. Wishing you love and laughter.
Intention and Grace
1 month ago