Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Fatigue

The stress of our work situation and the holiday season is taking it's toll on me physically. I haven't slept properly in weeks, most nights averaging around four hours or less. I'm exhausted. My hair is falling out. I've been worrying incessantly about where things are going for us. There is also something huge that I've been obsessing about that I can't quite talk about yet, but it's something that is also causing my stress and lack of sleep. I'm tired yet I remain hopeful for a peaceful Christmas.

Georgia has also been teething which has been contributing to my lack of sleep. Her molars are coming in, in fact she is cutting two molars and two front teeth right now. Her little face is so red and rashy that I haven't bothered to get our Christmas portraits done this year. She is fiercely attached to me, wanting mommy when she's uncomfortable in the night. We've spent a few nights this past week snuggling on the couch, both of us trying to get comfortable with the other one long enough to catch a couple of zzz's but it doesn't seem to work. For all her sweet snuggling, Georgia is still biting me at least once or twice a day most days, usually when she's tired or frustrated. It hurts and my saying ouch or reprimanding her seems to make her giggle and do it more. Lately when she sinks her teeth into me, I just get up and put her down either in her exersaucer or in her playpen which is particularly upsetting for her if she wants me to hold her. She cries, I cry, we both get no sleep. Lorelei seems to be especially misbehaved lately as well as if the pressure of being "nice" for Santa is too much for her. My lack of sleep makes me lose my patience more quickly these days too so our house hasn't exactly been terribly happy lately.

I think the weather has also contributed to my lack of well being this last while, it's been so damn cold out I haven't wanted to venture out. Today because it warmed up substantially, I decided that I would go run a few errands. Because of the slush and melting snow and ice, it took me four tries to get out of the driveway today. Thankfully I was in the truck, otherwise I would have never gotten out in the van. Driving in the snow is intimidating for me since cracking up my car a couple of years back. I hate the feeling of imprisonment that winter brings, that I don't feel free to just venture out and live a normal life. On the flip side, I've watched a couple of excellent movies the last couple of days, something I haven't had time to do in awhile. It's been nice, I just wish I could fall asleep after. It's agonizing to lay down and not be able to shut off my head long enough to go to sleep at night, and I hate just laying there. Usually within twenty minutes of not sleeping, I am up and out of bed, either watching tv or reading blogs hoping to exhaust myself enough to get some quality rest before Lorelei is up and at it for the day. Tonight after supper I fell asleep on the couch so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that tonight is my night.

9 comments:

  1. Sounds like you have a lot going. I do not have any living children but I have observed that if I am stressed and anxious people around me do strange things. Perhaps the children are reacting your vibes. The one thing that has helped me get rid of stress is to sit down, close my eyes and let all my problems surface one after another. I do not fight them. They come and talk to me for a while then fade away. It takes about 20 minutes. Then when I open my eyes, I feel so rested. This started out as a meditation but became my way of stress release. I am unable to meditate, but I can clear my head and relax in this way. Hope the coming weeks hold peaceful sleepful nights for you and hope your days get calmer and more satidfying. Hugsssss

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  2. so sorry..praying for peace and tranquility for you soon, and many restful nights!

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  3. Thinking of you, and hoping that the days get brighter.

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  4. Thinking of you, Margaret. Wishing you a peaceful night's rest.

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  5. Hope you sleep well tonight. I know I'm a bear without my 9 hours...and lots of good food!

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  6. Hope you get a goodnight's sleep tonight!

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  7. M - I've been thinking so much about you these last few weeks, amidst my own crazy changing life. Thank you for the time you take to write sweet comments to me. It means a lot. Thank you also for sharing about Calvin's, uh, anatomy. That brought a smile to my face and I laughed out loud!

    I wish you some peace. Take some vitamin D to help aid you through the winter, though I know it's not the lack of sunshine that is causing your fatigue. Try to take care and don't focus on all the reasons to feel guilty. Focus on the small things you do right each day. You do so much right!
    Love and hugs to you. I hope you got some sleep last night, and wish for some tonight as well.

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  8. Thinking of you. Hope you are able to get some sleep soon, being tired just sucks everything out of you.
    i have something for you, can you send me your email address?
    mine is: mandimchady @ hotmail . com

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  9. I think Georgia and Jessica would get on pretty well. Jessica doesn't bite but she loves to pull hair and jab me in the face! She thinks my saying 'ouch' is part of a game.

    It's not nice being stuck in. It's snowing here today as well and I'm also not confident enough to drive in the snow. I hope you can get some rest Margaret. Take care of yourself. xo

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