Joy

I thought I would write about the little things in my life right now that bring me joy. First, my husband Shane. He is a man who knows me better than anyone, someone I can share my hopes and dreams with as well as provide a strong shoulder to cry on. After seven years together he knows how to make me a perfect cappucino with extra foam, will rub my back when it hurts and remembers to give me the pickles off all his burgers. Could a woman ask for more? Not only that but he is extraordinarily kind, never gets personal when we argue and still can't wait to get into my pants at the end of the day...LOL. He is a devoted father, spending time changing bums, giving baths, playing games and snuggling our girls. He can swaddle a baby like no one else and he makes our three year old feel like a princess when he picks her up and dances with her. He never gives up on our relationship, even when things get tough and I love him forever for that. I love his eyes, his hands and the way he makes me feel valued. He truly loves me and I am so lucky to have found him and to share my life with him.

Georgia and Lorelei. My girls. I never thought it would be possible to love another child the way I love Lorelei, our first, but I was so wrong. My girls have given me the gift of motherhood and the joy of seeing them come into themselves, their personalities. In turn, it gives me the chance to pass along all my mother did for me when I was a little girl, reading stories, fingerpainting, playing dress-up and tea parties and snuggling together before bed. I love my children more than anything in the world, and am priviledged to be "Mommy." I never thought I would find happiness in sticky kisses, chubby thighs and downy baby hair, never really realized how much having little arms wrapped around my neck would mean. It is forever joy to laugh with them, kiss their boo-boos better, see them grow and learn and change right before my very eyes. It makes me proud to see my oldest be compassionate to others, to use her manners and say please and thank you without prompting and to be so willing to help me with whatever I'm doing at the time. Motherhood is such a gift, thank you Shane for making me a mother.

I also need to mention the people in my life who bring me joy, my friends, extended family and the group of supportive women I've found through the internet who all share similar circumstances. Following Baby Oliver's story with Truncus Arteriosus has given me joy, watching his progress and growth from his birth to his repair and days on ECMO to his discharge. Connecting with Kate and Carly and other babylost parents at the Glow, and talking with my son's doctors. My friend Bill in Wisconsin who always has a kind word of support and Lisa who has stuck with me for twenty years now. Hearing I love you from Betty who stepped in and filled the role of mother for me when I had no one and watching her girls, the little girls I used to babysit grow into beautiful women and start families of their own.

So many bits of sunshine, so many rays of light. Even simple pleasures bring happiness, like feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, a long massage at Solus while listening to the jazzy Corrinne Bailey Rae, a moment of quiet when everyone is asleep. A hot bubble bath on a cold night, getting to sleep in, a visit with a friend from the past. All bring happiness and soothe my soul.

My six days with Calvin. Pure joy. I'd never trade them for the world.