In memory of my son, because every life leaves something beautiful behind...
Friday, March 27, 2009
I had a visit today with Betty and Amanda, two people who go waaaaaaaay back in my life. Amanda was just a tiny girl when I started babysitting her, Ashley was even tinier. Now they're both beautiful women, something I find hard to reconcile with my emotional memories of them as cute little girls. Anyhow, not to wax on sentimental journies but today was amazing. I had the most uplifting and relaxing afternoon drinking lattes and eating sinfully delicious gourmet cupcakes (thank you for the deliciously decadent extra calories Amanda, LOL), and talking about life and my children. They continue to spoil my girls rotten with treats and love and it makes me feel so grateful to have such wonderful women in my life. As they had brought treats for the girls, I also got a gift from Betty. She gave me a book called "The Shack". I won't go into too much detail about it because it's an absolute must read but I literally couldn't put it down. I swear anyone who has lost a child should read this book, it truly spoke to my heart and I found myself sobbing during several parts that I could honestly identify with. It was a beautiful gift and one that I intend to pass on. I have already told Shane he needs to read it because I need to talk to him about the book and I can't do it until he reads it because I absolutely don't want to spoil it for him. I especially feel the need to send a copy to my son's surgeon, Dr. C, because so much of the story spoke to me, my heart and my feelings about Calvin's death and the people who were in his short life. After reading only a few short chapters, I felt that there was someone in this world who understood my struggle to maintain a relationship with God following the death of my son, someone who put my inner conflict into words and then shared them with honesty and emotion. I loved it. I may read it again tomorrow, and possibly the day after that. Thank you Betty for such a wonderful day and such a thoughtful and perfect gift, one that I know I can't keep to myself now that I've read it.
I have decided to write about my feelings following the death of my only son in November 2008. I'm learning that grief is a process with good days and bad, a lonely road with new beginnings and unavoidable endings. It is my hope that through writing I can come to peace with what has happened to us and our beautiful boy.