Friday, September 18, 2009

Waiting Again

The funeral director was apalled when he heard that Calvin's name had been spelled incorrectly on his marker and assured us that "This never happens, it's a terrible fluke," like it would make us feel any better. Our son had a 90% chance of survival following his open heart surgery too, his death was also a "fluke". We are now waiting again for Calvin's marker to be replaced. I was told repeatedly that they could not possibly leave the marker there until his new one came, no no no, it must be sent back immediately. So my son lays in an unmarked grave yet again and we are back to waiting. Six weeks we were assured. "It better be here in six weeks, my son is not spending another winter without a marker on his grave", Shane told Rick. I'm hoping beyond hope it's here in time for installation. However, the family ceremony and balloon release that I had planned for a nice, warm, sunny day has been postponed, maybe until next spring. Devastated? Yes, again and again. Heartbroken for my beautiful, perfect son who lies in the ground in an unmarked grave like someone who's life was not worth acknowledging. Heartbroken for my husband who cannot bring himself to visit Calvin until the marker is installed and angry at the careless jerk who didn't check his work or maybe thought he could sneak his mistake past us. Now, instead of nice green grass and fresh flowers at Calvin's marker, I am anticipating dry, dead, brown grass and silk flowers for the winter. I'm bitter. I feel that if shit is going to go wrong, then it always seems to go wrong for Shane and I. Maybe I need an exorcism. Bah......


  1. Oh Margaret, how terrible. The absolute last thing you need. I'm glad they are going to correct it for you though (so they should). I know it will be perfect and beautiful once it is finally finished for Calvin.... just like he is.

    Strength to you, my friend.

    L xo

  2. Oh Margaret I am so sorry. I know what you mean about things going woring. I seem to have had my fair share of really shitty "luck" in the past year. I defintiely think it is time for us to pass it on elsewhere. Thinking of you and your sweet Calvin. xx

  3. I am SO sorry. I can see why you are so angry and devastated. I'm not sure I would have held it together had I seen an error in the boys headstone.

    I hope its put in before the first snowfall, so you have something concrete to visit when you see Calvin. I know how hard it is to visit the cemetary with nothing there, or something only temporary. It almost gives you hope that the nightmare you have been through was just a mistake.

    Many *hugs* I hope the next 6 weeks fly by.

  4. Oh, Margaret, I just read this. It didn't show up on my feed right away for some reason. I am so, so sorry. The injustice of this on top of everything else just makes me feel so frustrated, and so helpless. I wish there was something I could do to make SURE it is there. Maybe we could all write letters! I would so do whatever it took. :)
    Wishing for it to be there really, really soon.