Thursday, April 16, 2009


It would appear that spring is finally upon us, the days are becoming longer and warmer and my grass is starting to turn green again. Spring to me is a time of renewed hope, a season of growth and rebirth and the earth's celebration of putting the dead cold of winter behind us. I feel better when the sun shines. I have noticed throughout the last twenty years or so that I am affected by the seasons. I tend to put on weight in the fall and winter, I lack energy and rarely venture out into the cold if I don't have to. I'm not sure if it's full blown Seasonal Affected Disorder that I suffer from, maybe just the good old winter blahs. I must say that the last few days have been beautiful here, the sun has been out and there has been a warmth to the air. I'm loving it. I feel more positive and energetic in the sunshine and I don't have to dig deep to find motivation to get things done.

I admit, I have been feeling a little down since the conclusion of our last fundraising effort for Children's Hospital. It's like I couldn't find the organization or time enough in my day to put my thoughts and plans into action and I had been feeling guilty over it. Thankfully some people in our Memorial Fund Group on Facebook took the initiative and planned a terrific and fun sounding fundraiser for the first weekend in May. By then I am hoping to have received the gift certificates I redeemed my air miles for and will have picked up my raffle license and will be able to not only hold a raffle for some terrific prizes, but also supply prizes for my husband's next golf tournament in Calvin's honour. This fundraising effort is something I feel I have to do, not only in Calvin's memory, but to give back to Children's for the wonderful work they do. They gave our son and our family so much while we were there. If our fundraising makes the difference for one family alone it will be worth the effort.

Part of me longs for the warmer weather too so that I can spend some more quiet time in the cemetery with Calvin. I feel a sense of peace when I'm there with him, talking to him about what life has been like without him. I look forward to being able to stretch out on the grass beside his grave and not worry about getting wet from the ground or feeling cold. I have suffered with worry about him being wet and cold so I think that I will feel better once it warms up a bit more. I also can't wait to bring him real flowers and have them last more than a day. The last time I went to see him I brought a mini rose bush in a pot with me and I'm sure it died that night with the frost. Spring is such a beautiful time of year here, everything is lush and green before being scorched with the summer heat and then dead from the bitter cold of winter.
I just know that this spring is going to be a time of healing for me and I hope that the more I make of my days the better I will feel. I have alot to look forward to in the coming weeks with two fundraising events in the next three weeks, possibly three fundraisers depending on when my gift certificates come. I know I'll be spending alot of time visiting local businesses, pestering people to donate dinners, movie tickets, haircuts and what have you so I'll be spending alot more time out and alot less time inside my head. Thank goodness for the warm weather and sunshine, if they do nothing but give me a respite from my sadness I'll be happy.

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