Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Two Women

I have been deeply saddened to hear that a friend, a girl Shane and I used to frequently spend time with in the early days of our relationship has died. Anne, (top picture) was a beautiful girl who loved animals more than anything, often taking our dog Jessie to swim at the beach, on doggie dates with her dogs and to pamper with grooming and baths. Anne was a pet groomer by profession, her true love in life was taking care of animals. However, Anne was a deeply troubled girl, by the time I met her in 2003, her wrists bore the scars of several suicide attempts. On the outside, she appeared to be a bubbly, happy girl for the most part but we knew from our conversations she was clinically depressed. Anne's life started to spiral out of control about a year after Shane and I married. She moved to another province with a boy who had more than his share of trouble with drugs, and she began drinking to get blackout drunk almost every night. Anne also began to dabble in drugs, not making her depression any better. After the relationship fell apart, she moved back home to try and sort out her life. She became isolated from friends and had trouble keeping her jobs grooming. In desperation, Anne's mother purchased her a house and Anne began her own grooming business out of the basement suite. Another suicide attempt requiring fifty-two stitches followed later, the psychiatric ward not feeling she was a danger to herself released her. During an arguement with her mother over her depression, Anne hurled out the accusation "You only bought me this house to keep me from killing myself...". Two hours of cat and mouse with her mother by phone ended with Anne hanging herself from the train trestle in my husband's hometown. We found out yesterday. I have been deeply disturbed ever since.
A little over a year ago, Bliss, a girl I had known since I was sixteen also commited suicide. She was the mother of three young children and was struggling with substance abuse issues. Her relationship with her husband was on the rocks, they had separated and Bliss was having a hard time coping. She had lost custody of her children to relatives because of her substance abuse problems and was trying desperately to win them back. Bliss had trouble maintaining her sobriety and her Facebook updates were always so sad. I sent her a message one day asking her if she was ok and because she answered yes, I left it at that. Never in a million years did I think this girl who loved her kids so much would take her own life. Her mother found her dead in her rented motel room after not being able to reach her all day.
I can't fathom what sort of pain these girls were in that would take them to the point of ending their own lives. I have felt pain to the extreme after losing Calvin, I have lived through a broken marriage and by being abandoned by my father at age sixteen. I too have felt at times that life was not worth living. When Calvin died, I felt that I would rather die than live with the pain of losing him for the rest of my life. Not once did I ever consider actually taking an overdose of narcotics like Bliss did, or tying a rope around my neck and jumping like Anne. I am so sad these lovely women chose to end their lives, they must have felt that there would be no end to their personal pain and feelings of hopelessness. I know both girls suffered from chronically low self esteem. Bliss at one time was a chubby girl who lost weight and became extremely thin. She never saw herself as thin, only seeing the chubby girl she once was. Anne too struggled with her weight and I believe that all she wanted in life was someone who would love her and accept her the way she was. I know that feeling all too well after spending most of my life struggling with weight issues. I am so sad for the families of these women, so sad for their mothers who now know the loss of a child. Today I honor them by remembering Bliss and Anne. Two beautiful women, two lives lost.


  1. So very sad. It is scary to think of how many people hover over the line between okay, and very not okay.I'm sorry for the loss of your friends. LOve

  2. So sad about those two girls. I can relate to what you say, Margaret. I have felt the very bottom of despair, and six and a half months after the loss of my beautiful baby boy, I feel it still, so bad some of the time. But I have never contemplated taking my own life.

    birni x